Sadistic Stars And Fluffy Bunnies
by Creepy-Gollum
Summary: The Death Eaters with Bellatrix in the lead have finally escaped from Azkaban and are now looking for the Dark Lord, but it's not an easy thing to do--especially if you're lost in the Muggle world...
1. Fluffy Bunnies and Cleaning Ladies

It's my first fanfic but you MUST tell me if this thing sucks so that I can delete the story and save human kind. Bellatrix is probably OOC but that's what makes it funny anyway. Or at least I think so....

Disclaimer: Now seriously if I actually owned Harry Potter characters, names e.t.c do you think I would be here writing fanfics? I'm not native English so the text may contain some grammatical or other mistakes. If you find any please, point them out.

I would like to thank Sadistra for the coolest new title that she generously gave me when she could have used it to make her own story...

**SADISTIC STARS AND FLUFFY BUNNIES**

**Chapter 1**

**Fluffy bunnies and cleaning ladies**

Day 1 after our "escape"

Dear Diary,

It's really nice to be out of Azkaban at last, but it is equally difficult to persuade Rodolphus that he is not a pink, fluffy bunny any more. The others are as bad as my pitiful husband. Dolohov is in a weird state, which even I can't explain. He keeps walking around like that Muggle singer Britney Spears, but instead of singing her songs, he sings: "I feel pretty, oh so pretty...". I think Azkaban has really affected them. The rest of the Death Eaters are trying to remember how to count money by playing Monopoly. I have to leave right now because Rodolphus is going to eat my Master's photograph, which I always keep with me. (_Bellatrix Lestrange runs to her husband Rodolphus Lestrange and kicks him while shouting "Bad boy! Leave the photo now or you will not have carrots for dinner!!!" Of course her husband obeys._)

Day 3 after our "escape"

Dear Diary,

I'm in a pretty bad mood. If I find that damned Dementor that gave me the so-called address of the Dark Lord, I'm going to strangle him with my bare hands. It's not that we didn't find the house; we found it, however it wasn't Pettigrew or Master that opened the door, but it was an old lady that could be as old as Hogwarts. We all stood there in shock until the old lady asked: "Are you the cleaning ladies?" Luckily, I took the matter in my hands before Rodolphus could say that he was a pink bunny and I said: "Yes exactly. We are from the company 'Dirt Eaters'. We came to make your house crystal clear." Complete disaster.

Day 15 after our "escape"

Dear Diary,

It's surprisingly nice here... You see we got rid of that old bat and we are still waiting for news from that Dementor when he finds Master's new address. You know, I've sent him an extremely "kind" letter asking why the hell Master wasn't there. The others are now in the kitchen cooking something they named "mashed potatoes and banana pie". They also dared to say that I would be the first to do the "honours" and try their creation. Heaven help me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Bellatrix woke up the next morning by a noise coming from her closet. She didn't open her eyes until she realised someone was inside the room. She woke up to see...

"Rodolphus!! What in Azkaban are you doing to my diary?!!" Bellatrix screamed and nearly fainted when she saw of what once was her beloved Master's photograph.

It was ripped and bitten and not much had remained of the person in the photo. She turned to Rodolphus who was currently finishing his breakfast, her diary...He had completely consumed it and he was now grinning stupidly at a furious Bellatrix that was breaking everything on her way and screaming like a lunatic at the same time.

"I don't expect that was yours, Bellatrix? It looked like it was the old lady's... But otherwise, it was delicious; you can try some if you want," said Rodolphus happily.

Bellatrix suddenly turned on her heels and scrutinised him as if trying to decide which would be the best way to kill him.

"I see you haven't eaten the whole photograph, Rodolphus. It wasn't as tasty as _MY_ diary?" asked Bellatrix ironically who had finally disciplined herself and was waiting for an answer.

"Oops, that was _your_ diary? Heh...heh... I didn't really mean to eat it...I mean I wanted to eat it...but if I knew it was yours...I wouldn't have dared...you-you know..." Rodolphus was getting paler and paler as he spoke.

"Yes I know," said Bellatrix, an evil smile spreading across her face as she had accomplished her goal--to scare Rodolphus out of his wits. "But you still haven't answered my first question. Why haven't you eaten _MY_ photograph too? You just have licked it and bitten some parts of it, as I can see..." Bellatrix said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh, you see I started eating it," Rodolphus started saying freely, "but I didn't find it as tasty as the diary so...err...wait, you said _your_ photograph?"

He anxiously took the photograph, dried it and reluctantly gave it to Bellatrix. She snatched it and tried to make out the face of her dear Master but the only thing she could see was a ripped and wet mass of something.

"Well?" Rodolphus had been watching her fearfully but he took a sigh of relief when Bellatrix smiled 'kindly' at him.

At least he thought her smile was kind. Bellatrix couldn't be happier when she told Rodolphus: "I will decide what your punishment will be later..." making his smile fade in a matter of seconds.

_

* * *

_

_[I know this very small but it's only the first chapter and I 'm planning to put up bigger chapters if there is actually anyone who reviews this thing...I promise I will try harder to write better and funnier chapters]_


	2. The Punisher

Thanks a lot for the reviews!!!!!! I am so happy!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter names blah,blah,blah,blah......Now I am thinking that perhaps I own that old lady but she is dead so it doesn't count very much. : P  
  
Anyway, here is the second chapter.... The first part may seem quite pointless but in the end it leads somewhere!  
  
**Chapter 2**

**The Punisher**  
  
"Rodolphus have you cleaned the windows?" asked Bellatrix in a bliss while drinking her coffee at the house's backyard.  
  
Rodolphus emerged from the house wearing an apron and ran to where Bellatrix was sitting in comfort.  
  
"Yes, of course I did." he said in hurry.  
  
"Good. Did you make the beds?"  
  
"Yep. Surprisingly well."  
  
"Did you trim and NOT eat the grass and the bushes?"  
  
"Not yet. You see I'm still baking the cake you ordered me to make"  
  
He looked a bit apprehensive and Bellatrix noticed it so she asked:  
  
"What's concerning you?"  
  
"Ummm, well I have been wondering why do we need a cake?"  
  
Bellatrix sighed in desperation. "Rodolphus, I thought you would know what we do with a cake. Normal people eat it."  
  
"Yes I already know that, but who will eat it if not you? Aren't you supposed to be on a diet so as to be fit when you meet _**Master**_?"  
  
He emphasised the last word and said it in a girlish tone. Although his words seemed to disturb Bellatrix she remained calm and gave him her best evil smile.  
  
"I do not think that the amount of food I consume is any of your concerns Rodolphus." She said it formally as if to look impressive. "Oh, and as for your question you 'll be the one that will eat it." She saw Rodolphus's horror-struck face and continued by saying:  
  
"And you will not eat it in your bowl on the floor as you do with your carrots. You will eat with US like a normal wizard."  
  
Rodolphus was on the verge of tears. "NOOOO Bellatrix!! Don't do this to me!! You can't do it!! I can't do it!! I am bunny!! I am not used in the way you people eat! Please Bellaaaa...I 'll do anything you want. "  
  
"I do not allow you to call me Bella!!!!" her voice now became deep "Call me THE PUNISHER." Her voice returned to normal."It's not my problem dear. You should think of the consequences of your actions next time you eat strangers' diaries and photos. And by the way can you bring me another glass of juice and se if Rookwood has brought any magazines or newspapers? Even if it is "The Quibbler".  
  
Rodolphus looked hesitant but decided to risk it. "Why don't you think about it again Bellatrix? Give me another chance and I will never again eat anything that belongs to you, let alone secret diaries."  
  
"Forget it Rodolphus" said Bellatrix, smiling in contentment to her husband.  
  
Suddenly Rookwood came through the kitchen door and stood behind Rodolphus. Bellatrix gestured Rodolphus to leave and ordered Rookwood to come closer.  
  
"Did you find anything?"  
  
Rookwood seemed excited by the question. "Oh, yes I found a pair of slippers in a rubbish bin which..."  
  
"I really don't give a damn about the slippers. Did you find anything concerning the Press? A "Daily Prophet" or a "Quibbler"?"  
  
"Oh,that's what you meant...I found a several-days-old Daily Prophet which is inside the house and I am NOT going to fetch it to you like your moron of a husband. I am no-one's servant! "  
  
_Wait till I say that to Voldie_thought Bellatrix. She sighed in frustration. "Very well then. I 'll go and take it myself." she snapped.  
  
Once she was inside she found the old Daily Prophet. She squealed in happiness as she saw in the front page, where there were ten photos of them. She looked at her picture but felt disappointed when she saw herself looking ages older than she were before she was taken to Azkaban.  
  
"I could take advantage of a lifting" she muttered to herself.  
  
Then she took a glance to the headlines.  
  
"I DON'T BELIEVE IT! THEY THINK WE ARE NOT CLEVER ENOUGH TO ESCAPE OURSELVES!"  
  
_It seems they regarded Black as their leader_...she read. "That bastard our leader? He has not the mind nor the guts to be our leader!!!! We are able to make a simple escape ourselves!!!  
  
She shouted, screamed, yelled, swore and made angry noises without being aware that she was being watched by Rookwood and Dolohov who made comments about her such as "I never knew a human could have such a lung capacity..." and "I agree with her. She needs a lifting immediately."  
  
Bellatrix screamed until her throat was sore. Five minutes after she had finally calmed down she heard a crashing noise coming from the kitchen. She went there and saw Rodolphus throwing the apron on the floor near to the cake he had burned. She noticed a large bruise on the left side of his forehead.  
  
"What in Merlin's beard has happened here?" she asked.  
  
Rodolphus raised his head and it seemed that he became aware of her presence once she had spoken. Bellatrix saw that the dreamy and stupid look he had on his face since they left Azkaban had vanished. Rodolphus didn't answer her question. This situation started getting on Bellatrix's nerves.  
  
"I DEMAND to know what has happened Rodolphus!!! Why was this cake thrown? "  
  
But Rodolphus didn't bother to respond. He just examined her with his as though he was trying to realise what happened.  
  
"You don't wanna answer? FINE! You will make it again then." said Bellatrix strictly.  
  
Rodolphus smiled at her but with his idiotic smile. It was his pre-Azkaban smile. An unexplained feeling of panic started spreading across Bellatrix when Rodolphus spoke in his normal, nearly forgotten and always-serious voice.  
  
"No, Bellatrix make that cake on your own."  
  
She couldn't believe it.  
  
"Excuse me. What did you just say?"  
  
"You heard me _sweetheart_. I said make-that-cake-on-your-own. I don't give a damn about it."  
  
"Rodolphus? You're back? How...."  
  
"Oh, yes I am back and you 'd better get used to it."

* * *

_[Now, that was a quite long chapter wasn't it? Rodolphus is not a fluffy bunny anymore, but don't worry they will be better that way. I have plans for them!!! MWAHAHAAAAA...]_  
  
Thanks again for the reviews...  
  
**Sadi:** See? I told you Rodolphus would become better...  
  
**ElectraBlack:** I read your story!!!...Nice name by the way...  
  
**Jimoulia:** So, you finally bothered to review? You little evil thing...


	3. The Shock, the Weather or the Cake?

WARNING: This is rated PG-13 for later swearing and to be safe...  
  
Disclaimer: If this is a fanfiction site why do we need disclaimers?  
  
This chapter is probably quite boring but it's needed so everything is settled before something else happens....  
  
Special thanks to Sadi who had the courage to become my beta-reader....Poor Sadistra.  
  
**Chapter 3**  
  
**The shock, the weather or the cake?**  
  
Suddenly Bellatrix felt quite dizzy and everything around her went black.  
  
"Umm Rodolphus... I think she fainted" said Dolohov.  
  
"Yeah, that's quite obvious Antonin" replied Rodolphus.  
  
"Shouldn't we carry her to her bed?"  
  
"No, just leave her there. She will recover soon. It's just the shock."  
  
Then, Rookwood appeared from the kitchen eating a piece of Rodolphus' cake.  
  
"Who made this cake?" he asked them.  
  
"Me" said Rodolphus slowly.  
  
"It's delicious. Congratulations. Why don't you try becoming a cook?"  
  
"Thanks Rookwood but I prefer being a Death Eater for the moment"  
  
"Wait...Weren't you just a fluffy bunny?" inquired Rookwood confused.  
  
"Yes but now I am back again." Rodolphus was starting to get tired by this whole thing. How many times did he need to tell everyone?  
  
"I don't feel well...."Rookwood uttered and suddenly passed out on the floor.  
  
"Why is everybody fainting today Dolohov?" asked Rodolphus exasperated.  
  
"I am not sure. Perhaps it's the weather. Or maybe the cake..."he smiled broadly at Rodolphus.  
  
"Well maybe...but Rookwood said it was tasty." said Rodolphus uncertainly.  
  
"That was before he fainted. Many people are not aware of what they say before they pass out."  
  
"Anyway, JUST FORGET THE CAKE!" yelled Rodolphus. He calmed himself and tried to change the subject. "So, where's Master? And why the hell are we in this fucking house?"  
  
"WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOUNG MAN!!" shouted Dolohov like Mrs. Weasley but he quieted down as Rodolphus glared at him. "I have no idea. Bellatrix knew all this stuff and we couldn't get a word from her. However she was always angry and she was muttering something about stupid Dementors and eaten diaries..."  
  
"I guess we'll have to wait for Bellatrix to wake up. She has a lot to explain."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Bellatrix regained consciousness two hours later. She found herself lying on the living room floor. On her left laid Rookwood still unconscious. She stood up and tried to think what had happened.  
  
"RODOLPHUS! GET YOUR ASS AND COME OVER HERE!"  
  
Rodolphus appeared in front of her smiling.  
  
"Bella, Bella, Bella. I'm happy to see that you're fine."  
  
"I couldn't say the same about you. Now, can you explain to me how came to be sane?"  
  
"Only if you tell me what's been happening since we came out of Azkaban."  
  
"You don't need to know anything! I am in control of everything."  
  
"Yes, I can see that from the fact that we don't know where the hell Master is and we are still lost."  
  
Bellatrix gave him a dirty look. "Shut up. Anyway, TELL ME HOW YOU'RE BACK FOR SLYTHERIN'S SAKE!"  
  
"From what I really know, I was in the kitchen when I realised that the cake was burning and I made to take it out of the oven when I knocked my head on the corner of a cupboard and suddenly everything became clear. I remember being taken to Azkaban and torturing Muggles..."  
  
"Nice days" interrupted Bellatrix.  
  
"I also remembered our wedding day..."  
  
"Not so nice days"  
  
"I have to agree with you. So, now it's your turn. Tell me what's been happening here."  
  
Bellatrix sighed. "When we escaped, the Dementor who helped us gave me an address which as he claimed was the address of the Dark Lord. When we arrived however no Voldie was here apart from an old lady that owned the house."  
  
Rodolphus couldn't help it but laugh. Bellatrix seemed quite offended by this.  
  
"What? What's so funny?"  
  
"Since when the Dark Lord became _Voldie_ to you?" It seemed he had caught her unawares.  
  
"I didn't say Voldie!" lied Bellatrix.  
  
"Yes you did!"  
  
"No, I didn't!"  
  
"Yes, you did!"  
  
"No I didn't!"  
  
"Yes, you di.... ANYWAY! Let's change the subject! This leads to nowhere!"  
  
Bella glared at him. "Right. Well, I got rid of the old lady and I sent a letter to the Dementor asking why no Vold...no Dark Lord was here.. Then you ate my diary and a photograph of Master!" she said angrily. "I had to punish you. There was no other way!"

"Eww.... Did I really eat Master's photo? It must have been disgusting. And your diary? I could have read it.... "  
  
"Don't worry. You only licked the photograph. You preferred the diary."  
  
"So, has the Dementor answered yet?"  
  
"No. Perhaps he can't read." said Bellatrix anxiously." I haven't thought of that."  
  
"I guess they can read...."  
  
"Have you read the Daily Prophet that Dolohov brought?"  
  
"Yes. They think your cousin has helped us escape."  
  
"How stupid they think we are? It's outrageous!"  
  
"Okay. Don't take it that seriously...It's just newspapers." Rodolphus looked a bit alarmed.  
  
"JUST NEWSPAPERS? THEY CLAIM WE REGARD HIM AS OUR LEADER!!! Ahem.... Anyway what is Rookwood doing lying on the floor?" Bellatrix raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Well, he fainted after you and we left him there beside you."  
  
"Can I ask why the hell you left me ON THE FLOOR?"  
  
"No one was willing to carry you as you have put on some weight lately..." he muttered under his breath.  
  
Bellatrix didn't bother to make a comment. She just glared daggers at him.

* * *

_[Oh, I know it was boring to death but the next chapter will be more interesting. I PROMISE. If it isn't, you can curse me. Thanks a lot to all the reviewers!!!!]  
_  
**Sadi:** Thanks again for telling Katie/George the Leprechaun about my story. If there's anything I can do for you just tell me so.  
  
**Autumn Moonlight:** You have such a nice username. I love Gollum too. I just adore evil characters (smiles evilly) As I said in the previous chapter you can still think the story with its previous title.


	4. Insomnia And Too Much Snoring!

Here I am again! Anyone who missed me? (silence) FINE! Now that you have pissed me off I will write another chapter just to torture you more with this story...

Disclaimer: I own the story! That Rowling girl stole it from ussss! My PRECIOUSSSSSSS.... Even though I was only 7 years old when I wrote the first book. Anyway, no one can sue 14-year-old... (laughs in a demented way)

But before I continue the story, I must do my duty...and put an advertisement for a friend's story who did the same for me (glances at Sadistra)

**ADVERTISEMENT**: Are you bored to death? Do you want to laugh until tears start streaming down your face? Do you like Lord of The Rings? Then why are you staring at the screen, you stupid? Go and read Sadistra's stories "Mordor And Youngsters Do Not Mix" and its sequel "What In Mordor Happens Now?". It's about the Fellowship turning years or in Legolas' case millennia younger and the madness that occurs in the War of the Ring and after it...

**Chapter 4**

**Insomnia And Too Much Snoring!**

After the dinner Rodolphus raised the question Bellatrix was afraid he would ask sooner or later.

"Bellatrix, where was I sleeping before I come to my senses?"

"To tell the truth, you really enjoyed that small cage you had found in the attic and preferred to sleep there..."

Rodolphus wasn't satisfied with the answer. In a cage? Like he was some kind of animal? "In a cage? Like I am some kind of animal?" he echoed his thoughts.

Bellatrix responded in fury,"Well, you regarded yourself as an animal and I must admit your manners are similar to those of an animal sometimes..." As she saw Rodolphus starting to fume with rage she added: "Or most of the times."

Dolohov approached Rookwood and whispered to him: "I'm smelling trouble..."

"You're right. I'm in no mood of witnessing another fight between the two of them. I'm out o' here. Ahem...EXCUSE ME!" Rookwood shouted, interrupting Rodolphus and Bellatrix's upcoming row.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus snapped back to reality. "WHAT NOW?" they asked in a unison.

"Do you need anything else or can I go and watch some Muggle levetision?"

"It's television," corrected Rodolphus automatically. "And yes, you can go. Now where were we?" he asked Bellatrix as soon as Rookwood and Dolohov had fled the room.

"I was telling you how much your behaviour resembles an animal's..." Bellatrix replied weakly.

"Yeah, how dare you! You're the one who was sleeping in a king's size bed alone! I want that room! I deserve it!"

"Of course I was alone! What did you expect? You think I would like to have a jackass like you with me? And you don't deserve this room! The first one who reaches the room gets it!" she screamed and saw Rodolphus running towards the upstairs in order to get to the room which _by the way_ was on the 3rd floor of the house.

She took her time and didn't worry about getting there first. After three minutes of running like hell, Rodolphus opened the room's door and saw Bellatrix who was happily sprawled on the bed.

"Oh, Rodolphus! So you've finally come! But I came first! What a pity! How was your exercise, honey?" asked Bellatrix in a fake sweet tone.

Rodolphus was struggling to breathe and couldn't believe how it had happened. "But....I star....started.....running before....you did."

"Yes, but you forgot something very important!" she replied and waved her wand in front of his face.

"Holy shit! You didn't say we could use magic!"

"No, I didn't but I didn't say run to the room either..."

"You cheated!"

"No, I didn't and it seems that you will sleep with Dolohov or Rookwood...Which one do you find more handsome?" said Bellatrix as a sardonic smile formed on her face.

Rodolphus made to put out his wand but Bellatrix was quicker and she aimed her own at him.

"Now Rodolphus, we don't want to have your big head blown up, do we?"

"Of course not, Bella. But to your disappointment I won't sleep with Dolohov nor with Rookwood... I will sleep in the same room with you."

"You **_wish_**! I don't allow you to sleep here as long as it's my room! You....you... You snore! Yes you DO!" she said as Rodolphus denied it. "Do you know how many sleepless nights I have had? I'm suffering from INSOMNIA since we got married! Even in Azkaban, only very brave or courageous-"

"Which are the same thing," Rodolphus interrupted her rant.

Bellatrix ignored him. "--Dementors guarded your cell when you were sleeping! The Dementor who helped us escape has psychological trauma now!"

Rodolphus looked like he'd been struck by a lightning. "NO! These things are lies! If you don't want me to sleep here, I'll sleep on the couch in the living room which is MUCH more comfortable..."

This night was one of Bellatrix's most horrible nights. It was like a Norwegian dragon was in the living room. With each of Rodolphus' inhalation, the house's walls were shaking dangerously. Bellatrix even tried to reduce the noise by putting a cushion on Rodolphus' face trying to suffocate him but this only made things worse. The difficult night passed slowly until the morning when Bellatrix woke up and went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. She noticed an envelope under the kitchen door and went to take it...

"RODOLPHUS, WAKE UP! WAKE UP, YOU BLOODY BASTARD!"

Bellatrix ran to her husband and slapped him continuously. Rodolphus was shocked from the violent waking and he was even more shocked to see Bellatrix jumping here and there in the living room clutching an envelope in her hand.

"What's happened Bellatrix? You got fan mail from goats and/or lesbians?"

"Haha very funny Rodolphus. Do you know who this letter is from?"

"PLEEEEASE don't keep me waiting! I'm begging you...." pleaded Rodolphus but the look on his face expressed the opposite.

"Rodolphus, this is the letter we've been waiting for! That blessed Dementor remembered us!"

* * *

_[Yeah, I know the first part was boring to death but the next chapter has some action!!!]_ ****

**Jimoulia**: I didn't make Bellatrix faint to show that she was weak. NO WAY! I don't believe she's weak. But I think that with Rodolphus gone off his rocker, Bellatrix could consider herself becoming later Mrs. Riddle if you get my meaning...

**Sadi**: What happened with Legolas' trial? Was it written? Hope you like the advertisement btw.


	5. Dementor's Kiss and a Hurried Rodolphus

Guess who's back, back again...Creepy-Gollum's back, tell a friend...Anyway, sorry for the delay but I was hectic with English homework and other boring stuff so I couldn't find time to write.

Disclaimer: I don't own Eminem's song "Without Me" you see? Its first lyrics are just above... And of course all of you know that I don't own a page of what Rowling writes....

**Chapter 5**

**Dementor's Kiss And A Hurried Rodolphus**

"What? You mean, he answered your letter? Now, THAT'S GOOD NEWS!" exclaimed Rodolphus. "What does it say?"

"I haven't read it yet. I thought it would be better to wake you up first."

"Okay...okay," said Rodolphus impatiently. "Now, give me the letter to read it." He made to take it from Bellatrix's hands but she resisted while shouting, "Hey, _I_ wrote the letter to that bloody Dementor and _I _must read the answer!"

"Alright, I don't care, just read it dear woman!" Bellatrix sighed in frustration, opened the letter and started reading it:

"_Dear Bella,_

"Why does the Dementor call you 'Bella'?" interrupted Rodolphus with a smirk on his face.

"For a reason you don't need to know." Bellatrix snapped before continuing.

_"Why so much anger in your letter? Such bad language...I suppose it's the way you were brought up--"_

"That bastard, insulting the way I was brought up!" Bellatrix said furiously before going on:

_"Between your swearing, I understood that you didn't find the wannabe leader-of-the-world guy you were looking for. Too bad. Perhaps he has decided to move from that house you're at the moment. It's in a dangerous neighbourhood... You know, with all the drugs and violence... What has TV done to this world? Anyway, I am 100% sure that guy is in London but please NEVER come to Azkaban again! Especially, that husband of yours... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAY TO SEE A THERAPIST FOR ONE HOUR A WEEK FOR IT? I still have nightmares at dark nights. I still feel the walls trembling... I advise you to leave that house as soon as you can because it's not safe anymore. You MUST find another place to stay because if the Ministry doesn't find you, Muggles will. Or you can just go looking for the wannabe leader guy..._

_ P.S. You didn't give me that kiss you promised to give me if I helped you escape. _

_Lots of kisses, _

_**Dementor Number 1673**_

"So, that's how we escaped..." Rodolphus said, an amused smile playing around his face.

"It was the only idea I had, _sweetheart_, as you were too busy hopping here and there..." Bellatrix never finished her sentence as the bell of the front door rang. Both Rodolphus and Bellatrix turned white. No one used this door. They all used the kitchen door. Apart from the Muggles...

_"Mrs Woodbridge are you there? Please open the door. It's the police."_

"SHIT!" Rodolphus swore.

"Rodolphus! Watch your mouth!"

"Bellatrix, we have no time for these things! We must run! We've managed to escape Aurors, but now we're being cornered by Muggle police! We have to go!"

"Why? They are just Muggles. We can kill them."

"No, Bellatrix they are not just simple Muggles. They are something like...blue Dementors. Muggle Aurors. They take you to prison. And they have Muggle weapons with them."

"Oh, please Rodolphus! Don't be a sissy."

"Are you stupid Bella?! Even if we kill them you think the Ministry of Magic won't notice?" Rodolphus asked in a panic.

"_Mrs Woodbridge? Are you there?"_

"Come Bellatrix! Lets get Rookwood and Dolohov and get out of here!" He grabbed his wife and ran upstairs where the other two Death Eaters were still sleeping.

"WAKE UP! WAKE UP FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!" he shouted as he rushed into the rooms. "We got to go!"

"What time is it Rodolphus? First, you don't let us sleep with your ear- splitting snoring and now you wake us rudely..."

"Just get the fuck up!"

"Rodolphus! What have I told you about not swearing!" Rookwood started to exclaim but Rodolphus slapped him.

"Shut up and follow me!" He turned to where he thought Bellatrix was.

"Wait where is Bellatrix?" he asked, his mind racing madly.

"She got out of the room as soon as you stated shouting," answered Dolohov.

"I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Anyway, we are not safe here! Get out of the house and wait for Bellatrix and me at the park down the street."

"Right," said Dolohov and started packing his things without any hurry.

"Are you out of your mind? I'M TELLING YOU WE HAVE NO TIME! JUST RUN!" screamed a frustrated Rodolphus. Dolohov and Rookwood ran like hell and Rodolphus went to Bellatrix's room where she was running here and there packing.

"Rodolphus, help me find my collection of Master's photographs!"

At that time, the front door slammed open and people started running up the stairs.

"Sorry Bellatrix we have to go if you want to see your Master."

Bellatrix didn't have time to say anything as he grabbed her firmly by the waist and disapparated. They appeared in front of a bench where Rookwood and Dolohov were sitting, chatting like nothing had happened.

"Oh, look Rookwood! Here's the happy couple! I really need to take a photograph of you two hugging each other... I mean, that really doesn't happen a lot..."

"SHUT UP DOLOHOV!" the "happy" couple yelled.

"Now where are we going to go?" asked Rodolphus but he wasn't really waiting for an answer.

"If I wasn't mad at you, I'd tell you. But you made me abandon Master's best photographs! Do you know how hard was it for me to find them?" Bellatrix was ready to cry but decided against it.

"_Please_, Bellatrix, tell me an idea you have, and I'm _sure_ it'll be brilliant!"

Rookwood and Dolohov stifled a laugh. Rodolphus whirled around to glare at them.

"Is there any problem? I'm trying to save our necks here!"

"No, just continue..." said Rookwood weakly. Rodolphus turned to back at Bellatrix who was practically pouting.

"Okay, Bellatrix, I swear I'll give you every photo of the Dark Lord that exists if you just tell us where to go!"

"Alright," sighed Bellatrix. "We can go to another better house. It has a house-elf too if it's still alive..."

"Are you sure no one's there? Has anyone bought it or something?"

"Oh, no. It's a house that cannot be found easily. Only someone who knows where it is can go there. It belonged to my dear aunt and uncle. As you know, Regulus is dead and I don't expect my other cousin to be there. It's Number 12 Grimmauld Place," finished Bellatrix.

"Sounds like a mansion to me. I want to go!" demanded Dolohov and Rookwood agreed with him.

Rodolphus didn't really want to go as the last time he had been there was to meet the family and the house-elf, Kreacher, gave him the creeps.

"Okay. I only hope your cousin isn't there."

"He has never been there since he ran away from the house to go to live with his pathetic friend Potter."

_I would leave that house too if I lived there with that demented house-elf_, thought Rodolphus.

"So, shall we go?" asked Bellatrix sharply.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice," Rodolphus grumbled.

"No, you _**don't**_!" said the other three Death Eaters and they started making their way to the Noble and Most Ancient House Of the Black.

* * *

_[Next chapter takes place at Grimmauld Place! Hope that was good. Any flames will be used to burn down Cho. MWHAHAHAHA! Sorry to any Cho fans but she just gets on my nerves...] _


	6. Death Monkeys!

New chapter! (A scream is heard in the distance and everybody runs for their lives) Okay, I know no one missed me but anyway I'll just write…

Btw, I am learning how to role-play! It's SO cool! I love it! I even tried RPing with a friend of mine through our cell phones… I decided that I prefer instant messengers.

My beta-reader, Sadistra, pointed out that I write about only 4 of the total 10 Death Eaters that escaped from Azkaban and I guess all of you devoted Harry Potter fans have noticed it. Well, I knew it from the beginning but it is my first fanfic! What the hell! I can't handle 10 characters!

Disclaimer: Believe me, if I owned Harry Potter Sirius wouldn't have died and Grawp would have eaten Cho, but there isn't something like this in the books so…

Chapter 6

Death Monkeys!

Fours hours. Four hours of walking in the streets of London hiding from Muggles and Rookwood wouldn't give up no matter what…

"Are we there yet?" the Death Eater in question asked Bellatrix for the zillionth time.

"No," Bellatrix snapped not even bothering to stop walking.

"Are we there now?" Rookwood asked again.

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"Rookwood, what could have possibly changed after a second?" she yelled at him in frustration.

"Well, we passed that shop which was selling horse food…" he said hesitantly.

Bellatrix just shook her head, exasperated. This had been going on since they began walking to Grimmauld Place.

"Muggles!" Rodolphus raised the alarm.

Everyone ran to find a place to hide. Dolohov and Rookwood hid behind a couple of rubbish bins while Bellatrix and Rodolphus went behind a blue car. Then the _Enemy_ came from a bakery…

Two eight-year-old girls who were giggling like maniacs. They passed the rubbish bins and then the blue car, but one of them noticed a man and a woman hiding behind it.

"Let me kill them!" hissed Bellatrix going for her wand.

"Are you mad?" said Rodolphus disbelievingly. "They are only some idiotic kids! Hello girls!" he said kindly as the two girls approached apprehensively. Bellatrix and Rodolphus stood up as if their shabby cloaks and robes were nothing weird.

"Good morning, sir," replied the black-haired girl on the left.

"Why were you hiding behind the car?" asked the other girl quite rudely.

"To find my wand and curse you to death little Muggle," Bellatrix whispered but Rodolphus stepped deliberately on her foot so she said louder to the confused girl, "To find my wedding ring which has been lost and is very important to me."

Bellatrix used her mock sweet tone, which made the two girls look each other as if saying, "Aww, that's so romantic!" Rodolphus was shaking with silent laughter but helped Bellatrix.

"Yes, my _dear_ wife is too concerned about her wedding ring but I have told her we can make another one," he said in sweet tone too while putting a hand around Bellatrix's shoulders.

Bellatrix wanted to punch him in the face but smiled at the girls praying they would leave.

"Do you want us to help you?" asked the previously rude girl, obviously moved by the 'romantic' scene.

"Oh, no dear it's okay. We will buy another one. Thank you very much. Now, go and play," answered Rodolphus.

"But we want to find the ring if it's SO important for your wife…" the black haired girl started saying.

"NO! It freaking isn't THAT important! Go and torture someone else! NOW!" Bellatrix screamed.

The two girls stared at her in sheer horror, as if they couldn't believe how such a kind person managed to become the devil herself. Rodolphus shot her a warning look and Bellatrix regained control of herself.

"Excuse me girls. Want a candy?" she asked in her sweet tone, which now had been ruined by her temper tantrum and approached them kindly.

The girls screamed bloody murder and ran like hell. Bellatrix looked taken aback from this and Rodolphus commented:

"I knew that you wouldn't make a good mum, Bellatrix…"

"You could just have let me killed them. I don't think their parents would have missed them," she said, ignoring his comment.

Then Dolohov and Rookwood appeared from behind the bins. "Gee, Bellatrix you scared the shit out of them!" said Dolohov, quite amused and Rookwood shook his head in agreement, smiling.

"Can we just continue our way?" she asked annoyed, "or we are planning to reach Grimmauld Place next year?"

She didn't wait for them to answer and started walking ahead.

"Can't we just Apparate?" Rookwood complained.

"It would be too risky. What if a Muggle saw four people appearing from thin air?" explained Rodolphus and he added, "Don't speak to much, also. Bellatrix is in a pretty bad mood which means she can be very, very…."

"Dangerous," finished Dolohov.

* * *

Bellatrix turned and finally she saw the two houses of Grimmauld Place, 11 and 13. It was nearly midnight by now and all of them were exhausted. 

"You can't say it wasn't a good physical exercise!" commented Dolohov. Bellatrix and Rodolphus who were both tired to death looked at him as if he was mental. Rookwood was too focused on trying to find Number 12 Grimmauld Place.

"Where is number 12?" he asked.

The others turned to look at him in disbelief.

"How thick can someone get?" asked Bellatrix, raising her eyes to the starry sky as if expecting to find an answer there.

"Just forget it," said Rodolphus sympathetically. "So, how _do_ we get inside?" he asked.

Bellatrix turned her gaze from the sky and sighed. "Well, that's something I was planning to tell you but I _forgot_…I don't know how we can get inside. "

"You don't know?" Now it was time for Rodolphus' temper tantrum. "Haven't you ever visited your uncle and aunt? Where's the freaking door?"

"Well, it was between number 11 and 13. I don't know what happened to it!" responded an equally angry Bellatrix.

Dolohov and Rookwood who were ignoring the couple's fight had approached houses number 11 and 13.

"Guys…I think you should see this…" said Dolohov reluctantly.

"What now?" asked Rodolphus exasperated.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus came closer and all of a sudden the two houses appeared to be separating and another new house popped up between them. Bellatrix gave Rodolphus a smile of victory.

"Just like magic!" exclaimed Rookwood cheerfully clapping his hands.

The others gave him an odd look.

"Sometimes I wonder how the Dark Lord made him a Death Eater…" whispered Rodolphus to Bellatrix.

"I'm not surprised… I mean, he made you one!" she responded.

Rodolphus gave her a dirty look, and he asked, "So, are we just going to knock the door?"

"Yes, that would be a good idea…Kreacher would probably be inside," she said and headed towards the door being followed by the others.

They gathered at the doorstep and as Bellatrix couldn't see any doorknob or bell she raised her hand ready to knock…

"What if it's somebody else's house? Are we going to kill them too?" asked Rookwood who had been really close to the old lady Bellatrix killed.

Bellatrix's hand stopped in mid-air. She turned to look Rodolphus as if asking what they should do next.

"I think it would be better if we checked that no one is inside the house," said Rodolphus thoughtfully.

He left the doorstep with the look of a detective investigating a crime. The other Death Eaters followed him curiously. Rodolphus walked around the house until they reached its right side.

"Oh! Very good, very good…" he muttered, ignoring the others.

"Can you tell us ordinary mortals what is very good?" asked Bellatrix, annoyed. She wasn't much in favour of being ignored.

"Can't you see Bellatrix?" said Rodolphus gesturing at a tall tree next to the house's walls.

"I don't think he has recovered completely," she said to Dolohov and then louder, "I see that tree Rodolphus, how could it prove to be useful?" she inquired.

He sighed, exasperated, "Bellatrix, look to where it's tallest branches reach."

Bellatrix raised her eyes to see some branches reaching close to a window of the house. She wished he wasn't thinking what she thought he did. "Yes, I see them."

"We can climb up there and then get through the window. Then, we'll quietly check if anybody is in there," he explained.

Rookwood seemed excited by this prospect and Dolohov thought of his rheumatism and groaned silently.

"No way! I'm not climbing up there!" Bellatrix protested.

Rodolphus had seen this coming. "Why? Are you afraid of bugs?" he asked.

"No." she answered briskly.

"Do you fear of tearing your _royal_ _robe_?" he asked ironically.

"No," Bellatrix said, glaring daggers.

"Do you have anything better to suggest?" he inquired.

"No, but I don't think this is the best solution."

"Well, I have to admit that it isn't but as there is no alternative plan…."

"Fine." Bellatrix gave up.

"So, who will be the first to climb up there?" Rodolphus asked not expecting anybody to offer, but to his surprise Rookwood raised his hand and waved it madly to the air.

"Oh, Rookwood you want to try? Very well. Give it a try," he urged him like a teacher would to a shy student.

He knew that neither Bellatrix nor Dolohov were pleased with his plan. Rookwood started clambering up the tree, surprisingly skilfully. Bellatrix would be the last to climb so she sat on the grass expecting Rookwood to fall and crash to the ground like a watermelon. After some minutes of careful climbing and a horrible singing of "I'm a Death Monkey, I'm a Death Monkey!" Rookwood made it to the tallest branch and turned to the others. "What am I supposed to do now?" he asked stupidly.

"Open the window," ordered Rodolphus

"It's locked," Rookwood said hopelessly.

"Unlock it," responded Rodolphus from the ground.

"I don't have the key!" he replied, frowning.

"ARE YOU A FREAKIN' WIZARD OR NOT?" screamed Bellatrix whose temper had been rising from the stupid conversation and she stood up, glaring up at him.

"Oh, yes! Thank you Bella!" Rookwood said cheerfully and looked in his robes for his wand. "Wait, where is my wand? Oh, it's down there! I left it! What a pity!"

Rodolphus shook his head, sighing while Bellatrix was kicking the house's walls and swearing like someone in a Muggle rated R movie.

"I can come down and get it!" suggested Rookwood, but everyone yelled "NO!"

"Dolohov can come up there with your wand," Rodolphus decided ignoring Dolohov's murderous look.

Bellatrix's temper tantrum had passed and she looked up as Dolohov reached Rookwood and they got in after having unlocked the window.

"Now, who will go up first?" asked Rodolphus turning to Bellatrix.

"You of course," she said as if it didn't need asking.

She watched Rodolphus climbing the tree and before he got inside he asked her, "Are you coming in here or not?"

She sighed and got a strong hold of the lowest branch of the tree. After five minutes of climbing she got through the window and saw everyone stuck on the wall next to the window looking scared to death and watching something behind her.

"Rodolphus? What in Merlin's beard are you…" she started saying but Rodolphus interrupted her:

"Bellatrix turn slowly behind you and DON'T PANIC!" he said cautiously.

Bellatrix turned around to face the last person she'd expect to be at 12 Grimmauld Place…

* * *

[End of chapter 6! Hehe…who's behind Bellatrix? Perhaps you don't give a damn but anyway. Some of you may have noticed that Grimmauld Place appeared slightly different to Harry but I had to change it…. Any of you who don't understand go to the 5th book, end of chapter three and beginning of chapter four, and see how Harry goes to Grimmauld Place and you'll understand why I didn't do it that way…]

Anyway… Do you see that button that says, "submit review" on the left of your screen? Yes, yes that button. Don't worry it doesn't have any viruses…. Just click on it


	7. Stupidity Taking Over Everybody

Hey! What's up out there? Enjoying summer? Anyway, I got to say to anyone of you that may have noticed that in the previous chapter there was a review from someone with my screen name... Well, it wasn't me! It was Sadistra! Really! She was logged in my account to upload the chapter and forgot to log out before reviewing! Ask her!

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter ...(sighs)

**Chapter 7**

**Stupidity Taking Over Everybody**

Bellatrix found herself looking at a pair of honey brown eyes. Then she noticed the beak and the pair of wings. She stepped back in terror and surprise, joining the others against the wall.

"A hippogriff?" she asked in disbelief. "What is that doing here?"

"I thought you would tell us that as you have been here before!" Rodolphus snapped.

"The last time I visited this place I was seventeen. I didn't expect them to buy a pet. I knew my uncle was obsessed with the house's safety but not **this** much!" Bellatrix replied, still stuck on the wall.

The hippogriff was flapping its wings and eyeing them suspiciously. It was obvious it was disturbed by their presence. Then the Death Eaters, along with the hippogriff, heard steps coming from outside the door. Bellatrix looked at Rodolphus, panicking. He returned an anxious look but pointed to a quite a big closet where they could all hide inside. The hippogriff had turned to look at the door so they walked as quietly and quickly as they could to the closet. Rodolphus closed the cupboard's door just when the room's door opened. The Death Eaters all held their breath and didn't move. Not that it was possible to move...

"Ow, you stepped on my foot!" Bellatrix hissed to Rookwood, and Rodolphus put his hand on her mouth.

_"Hungry Buckbeak? Today's menu includes freshly caught rats and I would bring you Kreacher too if I could only find him..."_ a strangely familiar voice said to the hippogriff.

Bellatrix raised her eyebrows. She knew that loathed voice! Her bloody cousin! She made to move but Rodolphus prevented her from storming out of the closet and killing him.

"Let me kill him! There won't be a chance like that again!" Bellatrix whispered with a look of pure malice in her eyes.

"No! Are you crazy? What if he isn't alone here?" exclaimed Rodolphus in a low whisper. "Help me instead of watching, will you?" he continued to Dolohov and Rookwood who grabbed Bellatrix's arms.

But Bellatrix suddenly kicked Rookwood who gave a quite audible, "OW!"

Sirius turned to the closet. Did he just hear something from the closet? He approached cautiously not knowing what could be inside... The Death Eaters had realised he was coming towards the closet as Bellatrix had stopped fidgeting. Everyone held their breath as Sirius made to open the closet's door...

A crashing noise was heard from downstairs several floors below the room. Sirius was startled for a moment, as were the Death Eaters on the other side of the closet's door. An evil smile formed on Sirius' face and he turned towards the room's open door.

"Now, I got you Kreacher!" he screamed and exited the room.

The Death Eaters started breathing freely again. Bellatrix let a sigh of relief and then hissed,"Let's get the hell out of here!"

The others nodded and then slowly opened the door. The hippogriff ignored them, as he was too busy devouring his food. They ran for the window and opened it. Bellatrix pushed the others away and was the first to climb down the tree.

"Look who was unwilling to climb trees..." muttered Rodolphus.

Once Bellatrix was back on the ground she brushed the dirt from her robes and glared murder at Rodolphus who had just jumped from the tree to the ground.

"What?" he asked noticing Bellatrix's expression.

"Whose idea was to climb up there and nearly get caught?" she demanded.

"It was your idea to come here...and think what would have happened if you knocked the bloody door down!" retorted Rodolphus angrily.

"I don't care whose idea it was, let's just leave!" screamed Dolohov before Bellatrix could answer her husband.

"Good idea..." Rodolphus muttered, and they left Grimmauld Place.

"So, where are going now?" asked Rookwood, hopeless.

"I don't know. I feel like we're homeless," replied Dolohov.

"I have a brilliant idea!" exclaimed Bellatrix suddenly.

"Bellatrix, your last brilliant idea led us here..." Rodolphus started to say.

"Yes, I know but now it's different! I'm sure that where we go is safe!" she continued excitedly.

"And what's this place? And how the hell are we going to be safe there?" inquired Rodolphus.

"We are going to my sister's house," replied Bellatrix shortly.

Rodolphus stopped abruptly and looked at Bellatrix as if she had a second head.

"But she is married to a Muggle! And she is not on our side, Bellatrix!" he practically yelled at her.

Bellatrix sighed exasperated. " I didn't mean Andromeda, Rodolphus. I have an older sister too. Narcissa? Remember her?"

"Yes. And how the hell will she be any help?" demanded Rodolphus.

"For Merlin's sake, have you forgotten everything Rodolphus?" screamed Bellatrix.

"Narcissa is married to Lucius Malfoy," she pointed out. "I expect you to remember who he is!"

"Of course I do," answered Rodolphus. Then he realised what Bellatrix meant by going to her sister's. They could meet Malfoy there and everything would be settled.

"So, I guess we are going to the Malfoy manor," said Bellatrix. "Right," replied Rodolphus and started walking towards where he thought the Malfoy manor was located.

"Rodolphus, are you planning to go to Wiltshire on foot?" asked Bellatrix, smiling teasingly. "Well, I choose to go there by train. Muggle train."

"Oh, I didn't know it was in Wiltshire, Bellatrix. You probably kept that information for yourself," snapped Rodolphus.

"Whatever," she muttered.

"Are you coming or not?" she asked.

"Does it have a swimming pool?" demanded Rookwood.

"I think it has," replied Bellatrix thoughtfully.

"YAY!" shrieked Rookwood and followed her at a sprint.

* * *

It was after an hour when Rookwood got bored of walking and started to bombard the others with his idiotic jokes.

"And then the penguin told him, _"I don't like spaghetti, I prefer pizza!"_ he finished, giggling by himself.

The others ignored him and continued on their way.

"Hey! I just thought something!" he added, still giggling.

"It's a miracle you managed to think of something so I guess it's worth hearing it..." muttered Rodolphus.

"I know a song that reminds me of Bellatrix speaking to the Dark Lord," Rookwood said seriously.

Bellatrix came to a halt giving Rookwood a murderous look. Rookwood gulped so she made sure he was going to shut up. However, Rodolphus and Dolohov still looked at him and urged him to speak. Rookwood took a deep breath and started singing in a girlish voice.

_"Someone's missing our 'Master'..."_

Bellatrix stopped and turned on her heels while Rodolphus and Dolohov were shaking violently with silent laughter.

Rookwood continued, he himself smiling mischievously now, _"But that someone dreams of him too often..."_

_"Although Potter would love to see him burning in the oveeeeen..."_ Rodolphus and Dolohov now had tears in their eyes from laughing hard..

At that moment, Bellatrix had taken out her wand and aimed it at Rookwood.

"Silencio!' she screamed and a flash of blue light hit him, but he didn't really notice as he was still roaring with now-inaudible laughter.

She pointed her wand at the other two as a warning and continued her way. Rodolphus and Dolohov tried to control themselves and dragged Rookwood, who was still crying with laughter, up to a standing position.

* * *

They entered the train station, which was full of Muggles. The spell that Bellatrix had performed on Rookwood hadn't worn off so he still couldn't speak or make any sound at all.

"Bellatrix," Rodolphus started to say, "how are going to get on a train? We don't have any Muggle money..."

"We'll get some, Rodolphus," she answered, unworried and before Rodolphus could say anything, she cast a spell on an old lady's bag.

"Accio!" she whispered and the bag came towards her. She took the money from the purse and threw it somewhere.

"You really don't give a shit whether the Muggles see you doing magic, do you?" asked Rodolphus, amused.

"I do care. Somewhat," she replied counting the money in the purse. "I think this'll be enough to get tickets for the four of us," she concluded and headed to buy some tickets.

Behind the counter stood a young man in his middle-twenties that raised an eyebrow when Bellatrix appeared in front of the counter with the most innocent smile she could muster.

"My name is Kelman, Matthew Kelman. How can I help you, Miss?" he asked in a James Bond fashion but that went unnoticed by Bellatrix who knew nothing about Muggle movies.

"Well, can I have four tickets for the next train to Wiltshire?" she asked kindly wondering why the hell he told her his name. Muggle customs perhaps...

"So," the man said, trying to start a conversation that would hopefully end with the pretty lady giving him her number, "are you from around here, miss...?"

Bellatrix looked suspiciously at the man. Was he a Ministry of Magic employee? No, he looked too stupid to be one.

"Miss..." she paused for a moment to think of a name, "Elaine Brighton," she finished. "And no, my friends and I are from America."

"So, are you seeing anyone?" inquired the Muggle.

"Well, yes." Bellatrix answered and looked around at the station. "There are many people here. I wonder how you guys come up with these strange machines..."

The man nodded, amused. So, she wanted to play? He was sure she wanted him. Bellatrix on the other hand, was starting to get pissed off and she tried to take the tickets once she had paid for them but the man didn't seem quite willing to give them and said: "So, will you give me your number?" he asked confidently.

Bellatrix began to panic, thinking, what number? The number of her cell in Azkaban? The number of murders she committed? Her hand immediately went to the wand in her pocket.

"What number do you mean?" she asked "innocently".

"Oh, please don't pretend you don't want me, Elaine. It's no use anymore as I have realised it from the first moment you set your eyes on my devilishly handsome face. I think I will manage to go out with you although I'm quite busy lately. Now, you can give your phone number. "

Bellatrix didn't know what a phone number thingy was but she knew she was pretty mad.

"I don't know what the hell a bloody phone number is and I want my tickets as I have paid for them!" she yelled right at his face and snatched the tickets. Before leaving she added, "And even if I was single I would never go out with you, jackass."

She returned to where Rodolphus and the others were standing, looking a bit astonished.

"What took you so long?" asked Rodolphus, annoyed by the delay.

"A brainless Muggle womaniser," Bellatrix answered briefly.

"Wait! You mean to tell me that guy in the counter hit on you?" he asked, amused. "He must be blind... Poor chap," he said thoughtfully.

"Why blind? Take a look at yourself first, Rodolphus!" she yelled, offended. "In fact, he didn't realise I was older than him!" Bellatrix added happily.

"That's why I said he was blind..." Rodolphus whispered to Dolohov and Rookwood.

"So, are we going to board the train or not?" Bellatrix asked, pouting angrily at the others.

"All right Bellatrix don't get pissed off. We're coming!"

As she stalked ahead, Rodolphus added to the others, "After all she would never go out with a Muggle..."

"Why?" asked Rookwood.

" 'Cause her heart belongs to someone else..." said Rodolphus poetically.

"To you?"

"Sweet Merlin, NO!" he screamed, horrified.

"Then to who?" Rookwood looked confused.

"Voldie..." he whispered very quietly so that the other two could hardly hear him.

"Who?" Dolohov asked, confused as well.

"Oh, yes! You're right!" Rookwood exclaimed.

_"Although Potter would love to see him burning in the oveeen..."_ they started singing while following Bellatrix to inside the train.

* * *

_So, I finished this chapter! I have finally figured out the end of the story and how many chapters are left... Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! I know the song is totally ruined but due to the new rule of the site not to put song lyrics I had to remove "Taking Over Me" by Evanescence and the new thing was done hastily._


	8. You Gotta Feel The Beat, Man!

Here it is!

I have to say that I'm really happy with the reviews! Thanks everybody! Cookies for all!

Disclaimer: You know...do I need to say it?

WARNING: This chapter may offend some people or their favourite character but I'm not doing it deliberately.... I just want you to have some fun! After all if you feel offended you can always not read the story or sue me. I simply don't care.

**Chapter 8**

**You Gotta Feel The Beat, Man!**

They boarded the train, which was too crowded for Bellatrix's liking. A young boy stepped on her foot and she automatically turned around and slapped him. "Watch where are you going, filthy Muggle! Teach your son some manners, woman!" she shouted at him and his mother.

"Excuse Bellatrix, we forgot to give her pills to her today..." Rodolphus explained to the shocked mother and the child who was about to cry.

"What pills? What are you talking about Rodolphus?" Bellatrix asked him.

But Rodolphus ignored her and called to the other two, "Dr. Dolohov and Rookwood! The patient is having a crisis again!"

Soon Dolohov and Rookwood emerged from the crowd and grabbed Bellatrix by her arms. Meanwhile, she was screaming: "Rodolphus, what are you doing? Are you out of your mind? Let me go, you bastards!"

The others ignored her and made their way through the crowd while Rodolphus kept warning the Muggles.

"Watch out people! She's dangerous! She bit one man's nose!"

They finally found a compartment and finally let go of Bellatrix's arms.

"Are you mental or something Rodolphus?! What were you doing out there? Couldn't you think of another way?"

"No and besides...embarrassing you was amusing as hell," Rodolphus answered, smiling mischievously.

Bellatrix turned to Dolohov and Rookwood. "And why did you help him?"

"Well, it was a good idea and you really need anger management lessons, Bellatrix," Dolohov suggested.

"Anger makes more wrinkles to the face causing it to look older," Rookwood said in a sudden presentation of his hidden knowledge.

Rodolphus rolled his eyes. "And how do you know that?"

"Muggle scientific magazines."

By that time Bellatrix was examining her reflection on the window for wrinkles.

"Okay, I'm going to find some coffee to drink. Anyone want to come with me?" announced Dolohov standing up. "

No, but I want some coffee too so you'll go and buy one for me, right?" said Bellatrix in a threatening tone finally averting her eyes from the window.

"Bellatrix, I really don't think you should drink coffee as it may make your nerves worse," advised Rodolphus. "But bring me a cup of coffee, too Dolohov," he added to the Death Eater.

"Hey! Why are you allowed to drink coffee?" Bellatrix whined like a small child that was being treated unfairly.

"Because I have not such a bad temper as you do, Bellatrix. It's very simple," Rodolphus explained.

Bellatrix didn't answer him. She turned to Dolohov.

"Then bring me some tea."

Dolohov opened his mouth to say something but Bellatrix interrupted him by yelling, "NOW!"

Dolohov left the compartment quickly. Rookwood followed him, screaming, "Wait! I'll come with you! I want candies!"

Once the Lestrange couple was alone no one spoke until after some minutes of death silence, Bellatrix asked, "So. Now that our parents have kicked the buckets, I think we can file for divorce, right?"

"Oh, yes. Of course. But firstly we have to find the Dark Lord. One thing at a time," Rodolphus replied thoughtfully. "You can't wait until you're free to hunt some males, can you?" he asked, smiling sardonically.

"Well, at least I have met some people who liked me. Even Muggles fancy me!" Bellatrix said cheerfully. "I haven't seen any woman attracted to you, Rodolphus!"

"That's because most women are like you, Bellatrix," Rodolphus answered, smirking.

"Oh, I understand. You wait for the girl of your dreams! How romantic! I think I'm going to cry!"

Bellatrix pretended to wipe some tears from her eyes. Rodolphus shook his head and wondered when this witch was finally going to mature.

"Please Bellatrix. Don't be stupid!"

Bellatrix was highly amused. She leaned closer to Rodolphus who was sitting opposite her whispering, "Tell me who she is! I promise not to say anything."

Rodolphus fell silent for some moments to hear whether anyone was passing outside the compartment. He then whispered back to her, "There is no she, Bellatrix!"

Bellatrix leaned back in her seat, a bit taken aback. "What do you mean there is no she? Are you going to become a monk or something?"

"That's impossible. I'm already a Death Eater. And you heard me, there is no she."

If she couldn't understand he wasn't planning to tell her. A suspicion started growing quickly in Bellatrix's mind. She looked at Rodolphus in disbelief trying to determine whether her suspicion was right or wrong.

"Rodolphus you mean to tell me that you're..."

Rodolphus sighed in exasperation. He simply nodded to Bellatrix. She burst out laughing wildly and started rocking back and forth.

"You're...you're gay!"

That was the only thing she managed to say before a new wave of laughter took over her. Rodolphus nodded, wincing.

"Please Bellatrix, I prefer the word homosexual. And don't say it too loud. You promised to not to tell anybody, remember?"

"As you wish..." Bellatrix had calmed down a bit but she was still shaking with a stupid smile on her face.

"Don't. You. Dare. Tell. Anybody!" Rodolphus told her seriously, trying to sound as much menacing as he could.

"No, you don't need to worry about it. No one will learn, at least from me, that you're gay!" Bellatrix said and started laughing once again.

"Bellatrix what have I said about that...." Rodolphus started to say, annoyed, but Bellatrix interrupted him.

"It's the same thing as homosexual! Just a bit shorter!"

"No, Bellatrix, there is some difference in the meaning... You see "gay" refers to men who like other men while "homosexual" refers to people who like others from the same sex in general," Rodolphus explained like he was giving a lecture.

Bellatrix was about to make a comment on what he said when the apartment door opened but neither Dolohov nor Rookwood appeared.

There was a guy in ripped jeans and a large grey jacket. His face was hidden behind the jacket's hood and he seemed to be rocking his head back and forth to some rhythm. Both Rodolphus and Bellatrix recognised him as a typical Muggle as he had several wires beginning form his ears and ending to his pocket. And from the fact that the moment he saw them he didn't scream in panic or anything like that but he said, "Yo people! Can I sit here? See, a couple of ol' fellows didn't want me to sit with them."

"It's okay. Sit," Bellatrix said, bemused.

"What did ya say, girl? Can't hear ya! The music is too loud!" he screamed.

"Sit!" Rodolphus yelled close to his ears so that he could hear him.

"Oh! Thanks man!" he said taking off his headphones.

"Yeah, Rodolphus. He thanks you _man_." Bellatrix said and started laughing.

"So, your name is Rodolphus? Weird name, bro! What do they call ya? Roddy?" he asked, curious.

"No, just Rodolphus," Rodolphus said stiffly, wincing when he heard the nickname the guy gave him.

"I am Bellatrix Black," Bellatrix introduced herself. "And they call me Bellatrix. Call me Bella and it will be the last thing you'll ever say."

The Muggle stared her with his mouth hanging open.

"Wow. Angry chick!" he said cheerfully. "I'm Dirty Cool Pants."

Now Rodolphus and Bellatrix gave him an odd look wondering if he was mentally stable.

"Your name is Dirty Cool Pants?" asked Rodolphus disbelievingly.

"Yeah man! Nice name huh? My buddy, Greasy Boy, gave it to me!" Dirty Cool Pants said enthusiastically.

Bellatrix tried to stay as far away as possible from him to avoid the continuous bombarding of spit. Now she understood why the other people on the train didn't want him to sit with them.

"Anyway, why don't the other people want you?" Bellatrix asked kindly.

"Oh, see, they didn't like my music so I told them to go to hell, the fuckin' bastards! They just can't get the beat! Know what I mean?"

He seemed ready to attack them if they disagreed so they merely nodded.

"What's wrong with your music?" Rodolphus asked, despite the fact he already knew what was wrong with it.

"Don't know man! I think it's too sophisticated for them to understand. They just don't feel the freakin' beat. But I can see in your eyes, bro, that ya feel it, don't ya?" he looked at Rodolphus suspiciously.

"Uh? Sure, sure," Rodolphus answered quickly wanting to survive the train ride.

"And ya feel it too?" Dirty Cool Pants turned to Bellatrix.

"Of course I do..." she said trying to sound convincing. And then she added,"Bro."

"Hey! So you are both in our club now! But we have to give ya some cool names. Those ya have are freakin' crap," he said thoughtfully.

"Well, I don't know...I like my name." Bellatrix said hesitantly.

"What about Angry White Chick and Skinny Roddy?" Dirty Cool Pants suggested on a whim, excited.

"Err..."

Fortunately for Rodolphus and Bellatrix, that moment Dolohov and Rookwood stepped into the compartment, holding three paper cups and a bag of sweets.

"Yo my homies! Wussup?" Dirty Cool Pants greeted them immediately.

"Hi!" Rookwood said happily and sat-much to Bellatrix's dismay-next to her. He started consuming his candies without delay. Dolohov handed out the coffee to Rodolphus and the tea to Bellatrix. He sat down and introduced himself to Dirty Cool Pants.

"My name is Antonin Dolohov. And you are...?"

"I'm Dirty Cool Pants, dude. Nice to meet ya!"

Dolohov's reaction was the same as Rodolphus and Bellatrix's.

"Err... Right."

He turned to Bellatrix. "What the hell is he doing here?" he moved his lips without making any sound. Bellatrix just shrugged.

"Man, you're too quiet here. Let's hear some music, what abo' that?" he didn't wait for them to answer but he pressed a button in his portable CD player.

The Death Eaters were a bit startled when music started playing extremely loud from the headphones. Bellatrix thought it was the first time she had heard someone "singing" so fast. She could hardly hear what the lyrics said. But she could certainly hear the swearing.

"Hey! Rodolphus, these guys must be from your family! You speak the same language!" she screamed at him, as they couldn't hear each other very well due to the music.

Rodolphus didn't bother to answer. He just glared at her. Next to him Dirty Cool Pants and Rookwood were having the time of their lives jumping up and down and singing.

* * *

After hours of this torture Bellatrix was nearly out of her mind. Azkaban seemed to be a kindergarten in comparison to this. Then she saw the train station and some minutes later the train came to a halt.

She jumped from her seat and fled from the compartment. "Get out of my way!" she said pushing Rookwood who was still dancing.

Amused, Dirty Cool Pants commented to Rodolphus, "Angry Chick, dude!"

* * *

_[Hey! That was it! Sorry for the delay...I'm considering finishing the story this week as next Tuesday we live on vacations for three weeks and jaylynn snape will probably murder me or something...But I'm not sure yet! We'll see....]_


	9. We Are The Death Eaters, Yeah!

This is the ninth chapter which means that there is only one left to write and this torment will be over for you! (everyone cheers) However, (everybody falls silent) I'm thinking of writing a sequel…. (someone starts crying and two other suicide)

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to J. K. Rowling but _I_ have Dirty Cool Pants! MWAHAHAHAHA… (coughs) Sorry about that. Let's get back to the story.

Chapter 9

We are the Death Eaters, yeah!

Bellatrix waited impatiently for the other three to get off the train. Rookwood said goodbye to Dirty Cool Pants looking really sad but he was delighted when Dirty Cool Pants gave him his portable CD-player.

"Take that, bro, so that one day ya can write your own songs! Ya have a natural talent or whatever this shit is called," he said.

Rookwood was obviously moved. His lower lip was trembling and he seemed ready to cry.

Bellatrix, who was disgusted and pissed off by the whole scene, ran up to them.

"Rookwoodwantstothankyouforyourgiftandhereallyappreciatesitbutwehavetoleavenow,sobye," she said to Dirty Cool Pants in one breath and literally dragged Rookwood to where Rodolphus and Dolohov were sitting.

"I still wonder why Master bothered to make him a Death Eater," Bellatrix said exasperated to Rodolphus.

"He must have had his reasons. Anyway, are we going to the Malfoy manor or not?" he added.

"Okay, but let's get out of this train station! I can't stand it anymore!" she complained and made her way towards the exit not waiting for the others.

Once they were all outside Bellatrix suggested Apparating to the Malfoy manor.

"And how do you know they haven't put a spell that blocks Apparation or Disapparation like Hogwarts?" Rodolphus asked.

"So I guess you prefer to go on foot then, Rodolphus. Very good! We have the chance to see the surroundings too!" she answered, annoyed that he was opposed to her idea.

"Would you prefer trying to Apparate there and have an accident which may result to our body parts being separated?" he retorted angrily.

"I must admit seeing Rookwood's head on its own would be a quite entertaining sight," Bellatrix muttered quietly.

Rodolphus sighed in frustration but before he managed to say anything Dolohov interrupted:

"Before you two start fighting again over unimportant matters, I suggest that each one of us takes the way he…"

"Or she."

"Or she," corrected Dolohov tiredly, "thinks best and we 'll probably meet at the manor."

"I don't think splitting up is a good idea. It's safer to be together…." Rookwood said hesitantly.

"I agree with him," Rodolphus said.

"Maybe he's right," Dolohov said thoughtfully. "We should listen to him."

They all turned to Bellatrix.

"What?" she asked disbelievingly. "Do you expect me to say 'oh, he's right. We should stay together and act as a real team' and other piece of crap like that?"

No one answered.

"Well, it was nice of you, Rookwood, to share your opinion with us," her tone was kind and gentle, "but I personally say NO!" she yelled the last word right at his face.

"Very well Bellatrix. Do as you like. We'll go on foot _and_ see the surroundings. When you arrive at the Malfoy manor please tell your sister, if you're alive by that time, to send me your separated head," Rodolphus snapped.

In the meantime, Rookwood was sobbing, still shocked from Bellatrix's temper tantrum and Dolohov patted his head like he was a child. The others soon started making their way leaving Bellatrix doubtful about what to do.

"Hey, wait for me you stupid bastards!" she called behind them and reached them.

Rodolphus gave her a victorious smile and continued his way.

"How did you know the way to get there? I have never told you exactly where it was," Bellatrix asked him curiously.

"No, you haven't and I didn't know it, but I knew that you would finally come with us," he said, smirking, and causing Bellatrix to sigh in exasperation.

Rookwood's spirits soon brightened once he started listening to the CD Dirty Cool Pants gave him. He kept rocking his head back and forth muttering quick words that the others couldn't catch.

But Bellatrix was light-hearted too as she had found a new way to entertain herself.

"Come on, Rodolphus tell me! Whom do you like?" she asked for the hundredth time always getting the same answer from Rodolphus--an exasperated sigh.

"Tell me one! Hey, look! Do you like that guy that just passed us? Or that boy over there?" Bellatrix pointed at a boy who gave them an odd look.

"Bellatrix, just because I am homosexual but that doesn't mean I'm a sodomite too. He's only 15 for Merlin's sake!"

"Alright. Just tell me _one_ guy that you like and I'll stop. Or if it's convenient for you make me a list of the sexiest Death Eaters," Bellatrix bargained.

"Never."

"Do you like Rookwood?" she asked, smiling mischievously.

"Bella, I doubt his mother liked him, why should I?"

"Good point," she admitted but didn't give up. "Dolohov?"

"Too old for me," he said simply.

"Malfoy?"

"Gets on my nerves."

"Wormtail?" Bellatrix asked but she knew the answer to this.

"I prefer to get killed."

"Master?" she asked disbelievingly.

"I 'd never deprive you of your secret love Bellatrix," he whispered, smiling evilly.

She made to slap him but he caught her hand just in time to prevent it. Bellatrix tried to think hard of any Death Eater that may have interested Rodolphus so far.

"Regulus Black?"

"I'm not in the habit of fancying dead people Bellatrix."

"Barty Crouch Jr.?"

"Same answer."

Bellatrix sighed. She was ready to give up when she made a last hopeless attempt.

"Snape?"

Rodolphus didn't answer as if he hadn't heard the question. Bellatrix asked it again but he still kept walking, a bit faster now, leaving her behind.

Bellatrix's eyebrows raised and the most evil smile spread across her face beginning from her left ear and ending to the right one. At times like this she loved herself for being so evil and cunning.

"Hey! Wait!" she called after Rodolphus, her smile not willing to fade from her face.

She reached Rodolphus who was walking along with Rookwood and Dolohov. He was doing his best to ignore her. She opened her mouth as a silent threat but closed it as soon as Rodolphus gave her a warning glare.

"Oh, hi Bella," said Rookwood causing Bellatrix to wince at the name. "I was just telling Rodolphus and Dolohov about my first rap song. Do you want to hear it?" he said proudly.

They hesitated, not knowing what would happen.

Rookwood pressed a button on the CD player and music started playing while he sang.

Black cloak and an ivory mask

With a single curse we can kick your ass

We do everything Lord Voldie asks

So you better be scared of us

We are the Death Eaters (yeah!)

We never bring our clothes to the dry cleaner's (yeah!)

We are not fairies

We do not like cherries

Except maybe Wormtail

But there is a female

Bellatrix

Who moves like Nio in the Matrix

And she's married to Rodolphus

Who needs a Patronus

'Cause the Dementors are after him

He made them insomniacs and they hate him

We are the Death Eaters (yeah!)

We never go our clothes to the dry cleaner's (yeah!)

So you'd better watch out. (yeah!)

Rookwood switched from his rapper mode to his usual stupid one. "So…did you like it?" he asked them anxiously.

Dolohov and Rodolphus nodded, as they couldn't speak. It was the last thing they expected Rookwood to do.

Bellatrix, on the other hand asked suspiciously, "What is that Matrix and Nio thingy you were talking about?"

"Oh, that. It's a Muggle movie. I thought it rhymed with your name," Rookwood said proudly.

Bellatrix raised her eyebrow wondering whether she should believe him or not.

"Come. We've got to continue," Rodolphus said to them and continued walking.

She followed him and whispered something that sounded like a threat. "We haven't finished our little talk yet." She smiled evilly at Rodolphus who was obviously disturbed by her presence.

By nightfall they were all glad to see the Malfoy manor coming into view. Rookwood squealed in happiness.

"It's SO big! But…where's the swimming pool?" he asked Bellatrix.

"Err…it's probably at the backyard. Yes, that's it."

In fact she had no idea whether the Malfoys had a swimming pool or not.

The Death Eaters had reached the gate, which led into the front yard of the Malfoy manor. Rodolphus tried to open it.

"Shit! It's locked! What are we going to do?" he asked.

Bellatrix sighed in exasperation. She stepped forward and pointed her wand at the gate.

"Alohomora."

Nothing happened.

"Oh, the know-it-all Bellatrix made a mistake!" teased Rodolphus. "Did you really think it would be that easy to get inside?"

Bellatrix glared daggers at him but didn't say anything.

"Why don't we climb it?" suggested Dolohov.

"Last time we climbed something we met a hippogriff and nearly got caught," Bellatrix said in as-a-matter-of-fact tone.

"A lightening never strikes at the same place twice," said Rookwood suddenly.

"Sweet Merlin, you've started freaking me out, Rookwood. First you're a rapper and then you become a poet. Are you on drugs or something?" asked Rodolphus, worried.

"I don't think he is. Perhaps he eats many candies. No sugar from now on!" Bellatrix screamed at Rookwood who protested but could do nothing about it.

"So, we are going to climb _again_?" asked Bellatrix in distaste.

"We don't have any other way to get in." Rodolphus pointed out.

"Fine," Bellatrix gave up.

Rodolphus started clambering up the iron gate. Once he had gone to the other side he urged the others to climb too. Dolohov and Rookwood had no problem climbing but Bellatrix kept complaining.

"I'm sorry Your Highness but we couldn't find another way to get in. Please don't punish us," Rodolphus said sarcastically.

Bellatrix didn't answer she just muttered curses under her breath while she landed on the ground.

"Now, we are finally one step closer to find Master!" she said cheerfully and started walking towards the manor.

"_We are finally one step closer to find Master!_" mimicked Rodolphus in a girlish voice.

Bellatrix came to a sudden halt and said, "You should be glad I don't say _anything_.Because if you like I can say many _surprising_ things."

"What things?" asked Dolohov curiously, looking at Bellatrix.

"Things that are none of your business, Dolohov," said Rodolphus coldly.

He hadn't even finished his sentence when they heard barking in the distance becoming louder and louder. The Death Eaters turned to the direction the barking was coming from and they soon saw three bulldogs running towards them with a malicious look in their eyes.

"Holy crap!" screamed Dolohov and started running along with Rookwood back to the gate.

Rodolphus looked at Bellatrix who was walking towards the three dogs.

"No, Bellatrix I don't think that's a good idea. No!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

The curse was cast three times in a row. The three dogs fell to the ground lifeless.

"I really believe that wasn't needed Bellatrix. They can sue you now."

"Oh, would you rather have the dogs rip your arms off, Rodolphus?" she asked sarcastically.

Dolohov and Rookwood returned back to Rodolphus and Bellatrix.

"For Slytherin's sake, what kind of Death Eaters are you?" she asked exasperated and continued her way to the front door.

They reached the door and Bellatrix grasped a handle that had the form of a snake and knocked. "She will be delighted to see me," stated Bellatrix to the others.

"_I will open it! Go back to the kitchen!_" said a feminine voice from inside and they heard footsteps.

"_Who is it?_" the voice, which obviously belonged to Narcissa, asked.

Bellatrix coughed in order to change her voice. "Err…it's…the mailman! Please open, ma'am."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Narcissa asked and opened the door.

"Sister!" said Bellatrix cheerfully.

Narcissa's eyes widened in terror. She shrieked bloody murder and closed the door right on their faces.

"I told you she would be delighted to see me," Bellatrix said brightly.

[The next chapter will be the last one for this story and it will take some weeks to send but please tell me if it's a good idea to write a sequel!]


	10. Bringing Down the Manor

Well, here is the last chapter!!! At least for this story...

When you read this I'll probably have started writing the sequel and I'm leaning on Sadistra to send this chap as I will be deprived from Internet for some weeks.

Disclaimer: I don't believe you still think I own those cool characters... I wish I did but... (sighs)

**Chapter 10**

**Bringing Down The Manor**

"Hey, Narcissa! Don't you remember your younger sis? It's me! Bellatrix! Aren't you happy to see me ?" Bellatrix asked cheerfully.

"She probably isn't," commented Rodolphus.

"What do you want here?" asked Narcissa from inside.

"Please Narcissa, I can't scream at a closed door. Open up and I'll tell you what we want," her sister pleaded, exasperated.

"Okay." Narcissa gave up and opened the door slowly.

Bellatrix immediately put her foot to stop the door from closing and pushed the door open.

"Thank you, Narcissa. Very kind of you," she said sweetly and motioned for the others to come.

The entered the house ignoring Narcissa's disturbed look. The Death Eaters took off their dirty cloaks and threw them on the floor.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing Bellatrix? Get your hands off my Chinese vase! It's an antique!" Narcissa screamed in sheer panic to her younger sister.

"Relax! It's okay! I'm not breaking your precious vase!" Bellatrix said, putting the vase back.

She looked around. This place was exactly as she remembered it from her last visit years ago. Disturbingly clean. It could be used as a Muggle scientific laboratory.

"Now, will you be kind enough to tell me why have you come here?" Narcissa asked, waiting for someone to answer.

"Is your husband here?" asked Rodolphus in turn.

Narcissa turned his direction, surprised. She had expected Bellatrix to answer, and not for him to speak.

"And why do you want him?" she asked. Bellatrix's husband was just as annoying as she were.

"Oh, well we thought it would be nice to have a cup of tea with him and catch up on old times," Bellatrix answered sarcastically. "We want to talk to him about Master!" she yelled, exasperated.

"He is not here at the moment." Narcissa replied, pouting. ''Don't touch that!'' she shrieked and ran to protect her collection of porcelain dolls. "Bellatrix, tell this monster to let go of Lucy!"

Bellatrix sighed at her sister's stupidity. "Rookwood, let go of _Lucy_!" she mimicked in a silly voice.

"I swear she looked at me Bellatrix! This place is haunted! I want to leave!" he whined.

"We are not going anywhere! We'll wait here for Lucius to come," said Rodolphus.

"No way! You can leave and come back later! Last time you stayed here for only _two _hours you nearly destroyed the house!" she screamed at Rodolphus and Bellatrix.

Bellatrix smiled at the memory. Yes, they a had hell of a time then when they had come for the Malfoys' wedding anniversary. They blew up their bedroom accidentally, they had set fire on the living room and killed their dogs because they had eaten one of Rodolphus' biscuits.

"Oh, that reminds me, Narcissa. You have three dead dogs on your front lawn," she said as if that was something usual.

It took Narcissa some moments to realize what her sister had said. Then she put her hands to her mouth.

"I don't believe you did it!"

She ran outside leaving the Death Eaters alone.

"I guess we can make ourselves comfortable," Bellatrix said going to the lounge.

The others followed her and sat on the couch. Rookwood on the other hand started looking for any sweets.

"We said no sugar!" said Dolohov strictly and pulled him down on the couch.

"Fine." Rookwood gave up.

Bellatrix leaned back on the couch and put her legs comfortably on the table.

Several minutes passed before Narcissa storming into the room looking frustrated.

"Do you have anything against our dogs Bellatrix? And get your legs off the table." she asked angrily.

"As long as they have something against us, yes I do," she said seriously, ignoring Narcissa's command.

"That's it. Follow me. Now," she said strictly and left the room.

"Has Lucius returned?" asked Rodolphus, standing up.

"No, but I have found the right place for you to stay until he comes home," Narcissa answered.

The others stood up and followed her. They started climbing endless stairs. Bellatrix kept muttering, "I hate stairs, I hate stairs, I hate stairs."

"Come on Bellatrix, you need some exercise. What will Voldemort think if he sees you like _that_?" said Rodolphus with a smirk on his face.

As an answer she turned and pushed him with force making him fall down the stairs.

"Are you planning to kill me?" he asked, disturbed, as he made it back up there, limping.

"Let's say you're on my list of people I want to kill," Bellatrix replied and kept following her sister who led the way.

"Are we going to the swimming pool?" Rookwood asked Narcissa.

'What swimming pool?" Narcissa asked, confused.

"The swimming pool in your backyard," explained Rookwood.

"We didn't have any swimming pool last time I checked. Who told you we had?"

"Bellatrix," said Rookwood a look of disappointment on his face.

Said person started staying behind. She had no intention of hearing Rookwood's whining.

"No swimming pool?" asked Rookwood, not believing it.

"No, just get over it," Dolohov said, sighing in exasperation.

"Are we planning to go to China or what?" inquired Rodolphus, tired of all the steps.

"No, in fact we have just arrived," Narcissa said, taking an unusual big key out of her pocket and unlocked the door.

The room was quite spacious. It had a fireplace burning and several armchairs spread around it. Above the fireplace a portrait of the Malfoy family was hanging. There was also a large window and when Bellatrix looked through it she felt quite dizzy and only then she realized how high this room was. They had probably climbed up to some kind of a tower.

"Now, stay here until I come when Lucius is back," said Narcissa and hurried to get out of the room. She closed the door with force and to the Death Eaters' panic they heard the key on the lock.

"She locked us in! Stupid bitch!" screamed Rodolphus, kicking the door with force.

"Language, Rodolphus!" yelled Dolohov, outraged.

"Hey! You're talking about my sister!" said Bellatrix angrily.

"I thought you hated her," Rodolphus replied, baffled.

"Of course I do. But I want to be the only one that has the right to swear her!"

"Selfish woman," he muttered. "Anyway, are we going to get out now or not?" he asked and headed to the door, taking out his wand.

"Alohomora!" he said, pointing at the door but nothing happened.

"Rodolphus I suggest you go back to Hogwarts as you are not capable of performing a first year spell," Bellatrix said sarcastically with a smirk on her face.

She went towards the door and cast the same spell. The door however remained locked.

"Oh, what happened, know-it-all Bellatrix? We are not capable of performing a first year spell? Perhaps you'll join me at Hogwarts," Rodolphus said sarcastically with satisfaction.

"What the hell is wrong with this door?" Bellatrix asked, annoyed.

"It's haunted!" screamed Rookwood in terror.

"Oh, yes of course. When the _perfect_ Bellatrix can't open a door, something must be wrong with it!"

"It's haunted I tell you!" said Rookwood once more but his shrieks fell on deaf ears.

"Are you going to help me or do you prefer watching?" she said annoyed to the others.

"Okay, look, this is what are we going to do. We'll take force, run towards the door and try to break it!" suggested Dolohov on a whim.

"This is the worst idea I've ever heard of," said Bellatrix.

"Do you have any other idea Bellatrix? Because you always seem to underestimate our ideas that get us out of trouble. We are going to try your idea, Dolohov," said Rodolphus. "And you will help Bellatrix! Or do you like staying in this damned place?"

Bellatrix sighed tiredly and backed away from the door.

"Okay," said Rodolphus, "once I count down to one we'll run to the door and bring it down."

"Five."

Bellatrix sighed and shook her head.

"Four."

They were out of their minds.

"Three."

They could break their necks there.

"Two."

An evil smile formed on her face.

"One!" Rodolphus screamed and ran to the door.

A loud bang was heard and they all crashed into the door which remained closed.

Bellatrix was heard laughing hysterically. Then Rodolphus realized she wasn't lying on the floor with them.

"I should have known you wouldn't try Bellatrix," he said miserably.

"Oh, yes. I wouldn't!" she admitted, still laughing.

Rodolphus tried to get up. "Rookwood, please take your leg from my neck. It's quite uncomfortable."

They stood up while Bellatrix was eyeing them, amused. "Give it another try!" she urged them.

"You wish. My rheumatism is killing me," replied Dolohov, getting up tiredly.

"I guess we'll have to wait here," Rodolphus surrendered.

He threw himself into an oversized armchair as the others sat on the floor. Bellatrix was still shaking her head, laughing silently.

"We'll starve to death," complained Rookwood.

"It's more possible to die of boredom,"said Bellatrix.

"I think I've found a way to get revenge on your sister," said Rodolphus with a mischievous smile on his lips.

"What way?" asked Bellatrix.

Rodolphus merely glanced at the Malfoys' family portrait.

Bellatrix raised her eyebrow and smiled evilly as she got the same idea he had.

* * *

After three hours of keeping them inside that room, Narcissa went back to the tower to tell them that Lucius was back. In fact, she hoped they were dead but there was a very small possibility they really were.

She unlocked the door and opened it. However, nothing could prepare her for what she saw.

The room looked like it had been bombarded. The wall on the right had a large hole in it and the gardens could be seen through the hole. Her leather couches were all painted with different colours. And then she saw it.

"Bellatrix! You're unbelievable!" she screamed in terror.

"I know I am but there is no need to flatter me Narcissa," said Bellatrix sweetly.

"What have you done to our family portrait?"

"Me and the others thought it would be nice to express our creative nature and make your family portrait more cheerful," Bellatrix said as if she was a professional.

The family portrait had before held a smiling Lucius, Narcissa, and Draco. Now Draco had a pair of glasses and a long moustache. Bellatrix had thought it would make him look more nice if he had long eyelashes as well so she extended them a bit...much. Lucius wore a pink bow on his head and Rookwood put purple lipstick on him after trying to think of what could make him look more scary. Narcissa had a pierced nose and about five earrings in each ear. Rodolphus had also modified her hair so that it was now short and standing straight up.

Narcissa sighed in frustration, trying to calm herself, and then yelled in their faces, "So are you going to come with me? Lucius is here!"

"Oh, thanks for informing us Narcissa. How kind of you!" said Bellatrix cheerfully ignoring her sister's upcoming temper tantrum.

She and the other Death Eaters went around her and started climbing down the stairs.

Once they were down, they found Lucius waiting for them, looking a bit annoyed.

"Oh, nice to see you again! How was Azkaban?" he greeted them with a smirk.

"Very nice, Lucius, thank you for asking. You can make a visit there sometime. I'm sure you'll like it," answered Bellatrix sarcastically.

Lucius rolled his eyes. "Why was my wife screaming?" he asked inquisitively at them.

"Oh, you know. Rodolphus was raping her," Bellatrix said this was if it were nothing important.

"I did what?" Rodolphus asked, shocked.

"He did what?" Malfoy asked menacingly and brought out his wand.

"Hey! I was just kidding! Relax!' Bellatrix put her hand on Malfoy's wand and lowered it.

"Gross..." muttered Rodolphus, shuddering at the thought of raping Narcissa Malfoy.

Lucius seemed to calm down.

"So what do you want here?" he asked them.

"We want you to take us to Master. We got lost because of some stupid Dementor and couldn't find him."

"Oh, what makes you think I'm still on the Dark Lord's side?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Rookwood and Dolohov stepped back uncertain of whether he was just teasing them or they had just gotten caught.

"Well, for one you called him the Dark Lord and I think you're a git so you're bound to be on his side."

Lucius narrowed his eyes at Bellatrix's insult but ignored her.

"Very well," he said. "Tonight we have a meeting and you can come with me." Before he turned to leave, he added, "And please we want our house so don't destroy it."

"Arrogant bastard," muttered Rodolphus.

Just then some house elves came towards them.

"Do the masters want us to show them their rooms?" one of them asked.

"Yeah. We do," said Bellatrix.

The house elves led Rookwood and Dolohov to their rooms and then Bellatrix and Rodolphus.

"Now, masters here is your room," said the house elf, showing them a bedroom.

"What? You mean we have to stay in the _same_ room?" asked Bellatrix disbelievingly.

"That's what mistress told us," replied the house elf and left.

"That sucks," complained Rodolphus.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Rodolphus," said Bellatrix cheerfully. "You can stay outside here and

I'll have the bedroom. Everybody is happy!" she said and made to go in.

"You wish!" he exclaimed and made to go in as well.

They got stuck there for several seconds, each one struggling to get in first.

"Ladies first, Rodolphus! Oh, but I forgot, that rule doesn't apply to _you_!" she mocked.

In return he kicked her and managed to get in.

Bellatrix sighed in frustration.

"Now if you excuse me. I have many things to do," Bellatrix said seriously.

"Such as getting ready to meet _Master_?" asked Rodolphus, emphasizing the last word in a silly girlish tone.

Bellatrix answered with a death glare.

* * *

A little before midnight, Malfoy called the four Death Eaters to meet him in the front hall.

"So, where are we going?" asked Rookwood, not aware of what the hell was happening.

"We are going to meet Master," Dolohov pointed out exasperated.

"Are we going to Apparate?" asked Rodolphus.

"No, as you don't know where this place is. We'll have to use a Portkey," said Lucius. He took a hand watch out of his pocket and showed it to the others.

They all touched it and they were transported to the front door of an old tower which seemed to be ruined.

"This place gives me the creeps," whispered Dolohov to Rodolphus who nodded.

"Come inside," urged Lucius and entered the building.

Bellatrix and Rodolphus followed him while Dolohov had to drag Rookwood, who was screaming something about haunted towers, inside.

They entered a well-preserved big hall which had a large staircase and four rooms around it.

Malfoy climbed up the stairs with the others following him closely.

At the first floor they met a Death Eater standing in front of a big door, probably guarding it.

"Oh, look who it is! Dolohov, Rookwood and the Lestranges! I thought you guys had gone off the rocker in Azkaban!" exclaimed the Death Eater.

"Why does everyone keep telling us this?" asked Bellatrix, annoyed.

"As you can clearly see we haven't, Macnair. Now let us in," ordered Rodolphus and made to go in, but Macnair blocked him.

"I'm sorry but I can't let you in. You have to wait for the meeting to finish and then get inside.

You should have come earlier," replied Macnair.

"What?" asked Bellatrix, not believing her own ears.

"New policy," he explained.

"Screw new policies! We can't wait!" yelled Rodolphus and the others agreed with him angrily.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait. I mean, you have been waiting for over a decade! A few more minutes won't hurt you!" Macnair answered, amused.

Bellatrix was fuming with rage. She grabbed the neck of his robes, and screamed, "Wait? I will no bloody wait! Do you know what have we passed through? Fluffy bunnies!"

"Insomnia!" joined in Dolohov.

"Muggle police!" yelled Rodolphus.

"Hungry hippogriffs!" exclaimed Rookwood to everyone's surprise.

"Crazy Muggles!"

"Weird rappers!"

"Endless distances!"

"Dogs trained to murder!"

"My psycho sister! And you're telling me to wait?" Bellatrix asked incredulously.

The four of them pushed Macnair out of their way, knocking him down. They opened the heavy door with force not caring if they were disturbing anything.

Voldemort who had apparently been talking stopped, a bit taken aback from the interruption. He turned to see who dared to interrupt him when he was explaining his evil plans to take over the wizarding world to those jerks he had for Death Eaters.

All the Death Eaters in the circle turned to their direction. Silence filled the room.

Bellatrix shrugged and looked at Rodolphus waiting for him to speak as he waited for her to do so as well. Dolohov and Rookwood had already joined the other Death Eaters in the circle.

"Well, we are back," they said in a unison, surprising themselves.

Voldemort smiled evilly and motioned them to come to the centre of the circle. Once they were standing next to him wondering whether he would speak or kill them on the spot for breaking that bloody policy, he finally said:

"The best of my Death Eaters are back," he said looking at the other Death Eaters with distaste as he gestured to Bellatrix and Rodolphus. "My Sadistic Star and Fluffy Bunny."

**THE END**

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_[That's all folks! Or maybe not? Beware of the sequel! Oh....anyway! I would also like to thank Sadistra for beta-reading my chapters and enduring this torture!]_

**Sadistra: What torture? Come on readers, was this story torture? Personally, I think it was excellent but _somebody _(shoots a look at Jamie) won't believe me...**


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